You ever have one of those moments you can’t decide if you need to laugh at yourself or cry out in agony? You know, when you smack your pinky toe off the corner table, or smash your elbow into the bathroom door? You let out a string of cusses that would shame your mother into oblivion. Confusion sweeps over you as you’re trying to figure out what just happened, why it hurts so bad and if you broke anything. As you assess the damage you feel so stupid you think you deserve whatever pain you’re in, but also can’t help thinking “REALLY WORLD? Gimme a break!”
That is the kind of moment I today.
I’d been having a pleasant morning of coffee chats, apple strudel, easy email follow-ups, and falltastic fashion. I got to pull out my favorite wool skirt, black tights and leather stiletto boots out of their winter abode (YES!), so had an extra pep in my step – the kind only sexy boots can give ya. I got lots of sleep last night, took a multi-vitamin before work, brought homemade chicken soup for lunch – it was gonna be a great day!
And then.. it all came crashing down when I walked into the staff kitchen to grab something off the Xerox…literally.
Suddenly, those sexy stiletto boots were slipping out from under me at a seemingly impossible speed. I wobbled to my right in hope of saving myself, and failed EPICALLY. My knees buckled to the floor, where I thought I could fall no more. Okay a respectable slip, no big embarrassment. And yet, I was still flailing through the air like my hair was on fire! A few hundred hours later, my palms smacked off the floor with enough force it sounded like Shamu just did a belly flop, and before I even realized what happened I heard someone, me?, exclaim “Awww, SHIT!”
I was lying facedown on the floor, arms over my head, palms to the floor, legs spread and askew with my skirt over my derrière. I looked up in pain and saw “CAUTION, WET FLOOR” in big bold letters, laughing at me. REALLY?
OH GOD I hope no one saw that! I thought as I pulled my lifeless body of the ground, at the exact moment my coworker opened the just barely-closed-door and said “Oh my God! Did you just fall? Did I just HEAR you fall?”
Now, I had two options here: say yes, start laughing or crying in pain, and let her help me back to my desk, OR WOman up, pretend like I’m fine, and strut back to my seat head held high and tell no one else what happened. I weighed my options in a second. Now, I’ve worked here long enough to know how option 1 will go. If I walk back into that office laughing or crying over this (’cause I’m not really sure which one I wanna do right now) the IT guy is gonna rewind the security camera footage and the ENTIRE staff is going to watch me biff it from now until the Christmas party – where it will make its debut on a life-size projector screen for another 20 minutes.. NO THANKS.
So I completed option 2, chuckled a little, played off the fall in a “yes, I’m an idiot, totally fine” kind of way, and managed to strut back to my desk.
That was 8 hours ago, and my knees are bruised and burning, my back aches, my hands hurt, my legs feel like I ran a marathon and I’m dreading the way I’ll feel in the morning. BUT I made it through the day without too many people catching on and without a video of my hotmess self being shared to all. VICTORY IS MINE! Though, when I told the Executive Director as he left for the day, he laughed an said “I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep that to myself!” Here’s hoping he doesn’t.
Did that REALLY just happen? Yep, I just biffed it on a wet floor.