Single Ladies Home Improvement Tips

Happy New Year Lovers!!!

Oh how I’ve missed you!  I had a fantastic holiday, but didn’t have much time for writing. Never fear – a new year = a fresh start into getting this blog moving!

First step in the right direction, our friend Margaux is back, and she’s got some helpful, albeit hilarious, home improvement tips for all the single ladies… Enjoy!

Single Ladies Home Improvement Tips From Margaux, in the Woods

Let me preface this with: I live in a small SMALL mountain town. In a house. With 5 other 20something women. Up a dirt road. With a dirt driveway. That heads downhill. The local tow men know us by name. Given these rural circumstances, we have learned a few things about home improvement

First and foremost: Any man who tells you he can fix X, will not show up. He will tell you more than once that he can put together/install/build X. He isn’t coming over. Give up the dream. Now that we’ve moved on from that here’s what I know:

A hammer shouldn’t be purple That pink/purple mini toolkit that someone bought you from Ikea before undergrad and you’re still rocking “in case of emergencies” is NOT a tool kit. Get a toolkit… or at the least the integral parts of one.

In the Lavatory With the Wrench: Get a monkey/pipe wrench: You have hair, yes? Draino is dangerous. I, like most ladies thought, oh, the sink is a little cogged nbd- then I was informed that you cannot put Draino into a well. Not only can it not go into your septic system but it will also poison the drinking water. (Enticing right?)

Single Girl Sink Fix

Get a Pipe Wrench part BRECHECK the brackety-thingy (I didn’t say I knew everything): This was the first time my roommate and I had fixed the sink (the bathtub is a breeze by now). I found our newly draining sink to be leaking…. Because we didn’t totally tighten the brace. Whoops.

On the gross plumbing front- I had always assumed this was common sense but apparently I was mistaken and it is some sort of backwoods rocket science that I was blessed enough to learn living on a lake: DON’T FLUSH ANYTHING that isn’t toilet paper. No, seriously, don’t!—after a rather intense few months with the septic system, the things that were rescued were both fascinating and diverse. To the city dwellers that lived in the house before us, you’re idiots!

Vroooooom: Get a Powerdrill—Anything you thought you couldn’t get a screw into because you weren’t strong enough- solved!! Pre-drill the hole part way, then hand screw in the screw.

NOT a smokey treat: If the smoke detector goes off- your house might not be on fire. If this happens twice it’s definitely not on fire. If, as was the case in my house, your detector takes on a mind of its own and all too often blaringly goes off, setting off all the other ones in the house until its deafening- the shit is broke. Most likely the cause: (as we found out when red dirt poured out of ours) the detectors get dust in them which trips the system and they then randomly go off. This is not the battery needs replaced chirp, this is ceiling sirens from hell, wake you up in the middle of the night, “What? I can’t hear you… What?!….WHAT?!” kind of noise. You can clean your detectors with the same can of air you use on your keyboard.

If however, this is the carbon monoxide monitor going off- run like the wind!

Handy reminder- this is the time of year to check your smoke detector batteries – push the “test” button on the detector.

Tricky Bandits Raccoons don’t get down with marshmallow Peeps: After playing cat and mouse with the raccoon army that decided to midnight snack on our garbage for a week followed by cat naps on the hood of my car—I see your paw prints, Sir—we learned the intricacies of their diet.  We discovered amongst the strew remnants, 1 package of peeps open with just a little nibble out the sweet little smushy yellow bunny’s ear. The other packages: left untouched. I have nothing helpful to add on how to get rid of them or what to do. Other than, get a garbage can lid that locks and put a (big) rock on it. Those little bastards know the meaning of teamwork. And… they don’t like Peeps.

Marshmallow Peep - Unharmed by Tricky Bandits

Nokian Nordmann 195/65 15 Know what size tires go on your car & the PSI: This is especially effective if you live in a snowy climate and make the yearly switch to snowtires.  This is an easy thing to find out and keep on lock. The car men will respect you for it, resulting in better service and less of a chance that they will try to overprice things if you at least sound like you know what you are talking about.

The PSI is the tire pressure, which can become low due to fluctuations in weather and bumpy roads. If the pressure looks low, check with a pressure gauge then add air. Keeping tires fully inflated is better for gas mileage and safety.  (P.S. the PSI is written on the tire.)

One last thing, if all else fails, make sure you have a bottle of wine or case of beer on hand at all times.  It may be your only hope of keeping your sanity.

– Margaux



3 responses

  1. Oh dear Margaux, I am glad that you learned that Drano is a BAD thing…don’t you remember pots of boiling water on the stove and the threat of death if you dared enter the shower or run the sink when my concoction of baking soda, salt, vinegar and boiling water was brewing??!. Do you remember the damaged tub and its hardware from Drano…don’t use it in a tub…it eats the metal and dissolves the finish in your tub! Hair in the drains is NASTY! You should always have the plastic drain cover thingy to catch at least some of the hair before it becomes a giant bezor in the belly of your pipes! Pipes cannot digest bezors (hairballs)!! DO NOT throw any feminine products down the toilet…I don’t care what the box says! The plumber does not like funky smelly things in the pipes!
    As for the racoons…they are smart, evil, crafty lil bastards! They will eat ANYTHING…except, of course, the smooshy marshmallow peeps…maybe they would prefer them stale and hard? Or better yet, if a racoon won’t eat something…you probably shouldn’t either!
    I am quite impressed with your skills with plumbing tools…would you like the Ms Fixit book we purchased when dad went to SC?? Might be more useful tips in there! Lol! Your knowledge of smoke detectors is quite impressive…perhaps all the alarms from making toast or maple syrup while the house filled with smoke has taught you a thing or two! 🙂 By the way, for the uninitiated, PSI stands for pounds per sq inch! Please don’t forget to mention that those useless floor mats in the back seat can be very handy for getting you out from being stuck in the snow…we practiced this a few times when we would be stuck in mountains of snow when we drove into the yard instead of down the driveway!
    Have a great start to the New Year folks…get crafty like Margaux has! Also, if your garbage cans must be outside…GET A HUGE ROCK!

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