Happy New Year Lovers!!!
Oh how I’ve missed you! I had a fantastic holiday, but didn’t have much time for writing. Never fear – a new year = a fresh start into getting this blog moving!
First step in the right direction, our friend Margaux is back, and she’s got some helpful, albeit hilarious, home improvement tips for all the single ladies… Enjoy!
Single Ladies Home Improvement Tips From Margaux, in the Woods
Let me preface this with: I live in a small SMALL mountain town. In a house. With 5 other 20something women. Up a dirt road. With a dirt driveway. That heads downhill. The local tow men know us by name. Given these rural circumstances, we have learned a few things about home improvement
First and foremost: Any man who tells you he can fix X, will not show up. He will tell you more than once that he can put together/install/build X. He isn’t coming over. Give up the dream. Now that we’ve moved on from that here’s what I know:
A hammer shouldn’t be purple That pink/purple mini toolkit that someone bought you from Ikea before undergrad and you’re still rocking “in case of emergencies” is NOT a tool kit. Get a toolkit… or at the least the integral parts of one.
In the Lavatory With the Wrench: Get a monkey/pipe wrench: You have hair, yes? Draino is dangerous. I, like most ladies thought, oh, the sink is a little cogged nbd- then I was informed that you cannot put Draino into a well. Not only can it not go into your septic system but it will also poison the drinking water. (Enticing right?)
Get a Pipe Wrench part B– RECHECK the brackety-thingy (I didn’t say I knew everything): This was the first time my roommate and I had fixed the sink (the bathtub is a breeze by now). I found our newly draining sink to be leaking…. Because we didn’t totally tighten the brace. Whoops.
On the gross plumbing front- I had always assumed this was common sense but apparently I was mistaken and it is some sort of backwoods rocket science that I was blessed enough to learn living on a lake: DON’T FLUSH ANYTHING that isn’t toilet paper. No, seriously, don’t!—after a rather intense few months with the septic system, the things that were rescued were both fascinating and diverse. To the city dwellers that lived in the house before us, you’re idiots!
Vroooooom: Get a Powerdrill—Anything you thought you couldn’t get a screw into because you weren’t strong enough- solved!! Pre-drill the hole part way, then hand screw in the screw.
NOT a smokey treat: If the smoke detector goes off- your house might not be on fire. If this happens twice it’s definitely not on fire. If, as was the case in my house, your detector takes on a mind of its own and all too often blaringly goes off, setting off all the other ones in the house until its deafening- the shit is broke. Most likely the cause: (as we found out when red dirt poured out of ours) the detectors get dust in them which trips the system and they then randomly go off. This is not the battery needs replaced chirp, this is ceiling sirens from hell, wake you up in the middle of the night, “What? I can’t hear you… What?!….WHAT?!” kind of noise. You can clean your detectors with the same can of air you use on your keyboard.
If however, this is the carbon monoxide monitor going off- run like the wind!
Handy reminder- this is the time of year to check your smoke detector batteries – push the “test” button on the detector.
Tricky Bandits Raccoons don’t get down with marshmallow Peeps: After playing cat and mouse with the raccoon army that decided to midnight snack on our garbage for a week followed by cat naps on the hood of my car—I see your paw prints, Sir—we learned the intricacies of their diet. We discovered amongst the strew remnants, 1 package of peeps open with just a little nibble out the sweet little smushy yellow bunny’s ear. The other packages: left untouched. I have nothing helpful to add on how to get rid of them or what to do. Other than, get a garbage can lid that locks and put a (big) rock on it. Those little bastards know the meaning of teamwork. And… they don’t like Peeps.
Nokian Nordmann 195/65 15 Know what size tires go on your car & the PSI: This is especially effective if you live in a snowy climate and make the yearly switch to snowtires. This is an easy thing to find out and keep on lock. The car men will respect you for it, resulting in better service and less of a chance that they will try to overprice things if you at least sound like you know what you are talking about.
The PSI is the tire pressure, which can become low due to fluctuations in weather and bumpy roads. If the pressure looks low, check with a pressure gauge then add air. Keeping tires fully inflated is better for gas mileage and safety. (P.S. the PSI is written on the tire.)
One last thing, if all else fails, make sure you have a bottle of wine or case of beer on hand at all times. It may be your only hope of keeping your sanity.